Loss
Back with you again my good fellow! And boy is it punishment in Delhi right now!
I will probably be aiming too high too soon saying that I may have readers who are living outside of Delhi right now but if you are, I will tell you; the weather is absolutely mad right now. It's too hot to exist and I'm surprised we haven't melted off our flesh yet. (that's a gross image to picture, I'm sorry!)
But we are not here for the small talk about the weather. We are here for the good stuff. The heat may be getting to you so get a glass of water for yourself while you read this. And if you are lucky enough to experience good weather where you're living right, have a glass of water anyway because staying hydrated is necessary folks!
Onto what the title already has set the tone for; LOSS.
A big word that one; Loss. I will go on a limb and say all of us on this earth has experienced some form of loss or other. It could personal, professional, economical, physical, anything under the raging sun. The wonderful thing about loss is that I find it highlights individuality really well. No one experiences and processes loss in all the same ways. Unless you are twins who have the exact same brain and can feel and know everything about the other, loss manifests itself in different lives, differently.
I would like to consider myself somewhat of an expert on loss. And I say this not to be facetious because I do know that there are people who have lost much much more than I have and they're still coping, moving on with their daily grind. I call myself an expert coming from a context where my peers and I, living in the same section and class of the society, still have a few of those aspects in their life that I don't.
I'll highlight my point with a few examples:
1) I don't have 90% of my family. (I was living in a family of 5, with my grandparents and parents and now it's just my mother and I. The rest died.)
2) I don't have a lot of money. (I'm not ashamed of admitting it though.)
3) I don't have a car.
These are the three factors I judge my own loss on. However, I have all my limbs, I have a roof over my head, a steady functioning brain, and an institution where I am pursuing higher education. Life isn't a garden of roses but then again, whose is? I got it much better than a lot and for that, I'm thankful.
Loss manifested in my life at a fairly young age and since then, it's been an ongoing thing. I lost my father as recent as two years ago. Before him, I lost both of my grandparents to age and illness and through all this, we lost a lot of money collectively as a family. I won't bore you with the painful details but loss and I have a fairly long relationship.
As a result of this now, I have built a tolerance against it. It's like if you have chicken pox once, you won't get it for the rest of your life. The first family loss I experienced, had its impact in a way that it almost created antibodies for the other losses to come. Don't get me wrong, the other losses still hurt like a tight slap stinging my cheek but now I knew what to expect.
The reason I chose to write about loss is that for the longest time, I felt extremely guilty. I was almost robotically efficient after my father's death on what to do, how to do it and the whole process of cremation, I was going through it as if I hadn't lost my own.
I didn't process the grief until much later when his absence started to creep in the house, at random times, and I suddenly found myself unable to breathe properly because of the huge lump in my throat.
There isn't one right way to deal with loss, grief, disappointment or any kind of negative emotion. Some people can cry for hours and hours on end and some can go to work the next day as if nothing ever happened. I used to be very judgemental of people who dealt with stuff happening in their lives in ways that weren't aligned with mine. And I reaped what I sowed. I had fights and misunderstandings with my friends and family when I coped with loss in my own way. Since I hadn't given them the space to be free, they too were unable to let me be when I wanted them to. I learned the hard way and I still am in the process of opening my heart and mind out to differences.
That being said, the easiest thing to do is to judge someone's reaction to grief over a loss. I've seen it happening aplenty, I have unfortunately been a part of the judging side for some time and I'm learning how to unlearn that side of mine. Don't be scared to express how things come to you. It may be a world of difference from your peers and you may get called lots of names for it, get labels added to you but the best thing that loss has taught me is that those who have to stick with you, they will do so no matter what the times are like. And if you've lost a few people in tough times, know that they were there for a certain period of your life and were probably best suited for that itself. Maybe if the future looks good for you both, they might come back but if they don't, it's not their fault and it certainly isn't yours.
Express your loss how you wish to, but keep good people around you who genuinely care for you and can pull you back out of the mess that you may end up in.
- Shreeparna
I will probably be aiming too high too soon saying that I may have readers who are living outside of Delhi right now but if you are, I will tell you; the weather is absolutely mad right now. It's too hot to exist and I'm surprised we haven't melted off our flesh yet. (that's a gross image to picture, I'm sorry!)
But we are not here for the small talk about the weather. We are here for the good stuff. The heat may be getting to you so get a glass of water for yourself while you read this. And if you are lucky enough to experience good weather where you're living right, have a glass of water anyway because staying hydrated is necessary folks!
Onto what the title already has set the tone for; LOSS.
A big word that one; Loss. I will go on a limb and say all of us on this earth has experienced some form of loss or other. It could personal, professional, economical, physical, anything under the raging sun. The wonderful thing about loss is that I find it highlights individuality really well. No one experiences and processes loss in all the same ways. Unless you are twins who have the exact same brain and can feel and know everything about the other, loss manifests itself in different lives, differently.
I would like to consider myself somewhat of an expert on loss. And I say this not to be facetious because I do know that there are people who have lost much much more than I have and they're still coping, moving on with their daily grind. I call myself an expert coming from a context where my peers and I, living in the same section and class of the society, still have a few of those aspects in their life that I don't.
I'll highlight my point with a few examples:
1) I don't have 90% of my family. (I was living in a family of 5, with my grandparents and parents and now it's just my mother and I. The rest died.)
2) I don't have a lot of money. (I'm not ashamed of admitting it though.)
3) I don't have a car.
These are the three factors I judge my own loss on. However, I have all my limbs, I have a roof over my head, a steady functioning brain, and an institution where I am pursuing higher education. Life isn't a garden of roses but then again, whose is? I got it much better than a lot and for that, I'm thankful.
Loss manifested in my life at a fairly young age and since then, it's been an ongoing thing. I lost my father as recent as two years ago. Before him, I lost both of my grandparents to age and illness and through all this, we lost a lot of money collectively as a family. I won't bore you with the painful details but loss and I have a fairly long relationship.
As a result of this now, I have built a tolerance against it. It's like if you have chicken pox once, you won't get it for the rest of your life. The first family loss I experienced, had its impact in a way that it almost created antibodies for the other losses to come. Don't get me wrong, the other losses still hurt like a tight slap stinging my cheek but now I knew what to expect.
The reason I chose to write about loss is that for the longest time, I felt extremely guilty. I was almost robotically efficient after my father's death on what to do, how to do it and the whole process of cremation, I was going through it as if I hadn't lost my own.
I didn't process the grief until much later when his absence started to creep in the house, at random times, and I suddenly found myself unable to breathe properly because of the huge lump in my throat.
There isn't one right way to deal with loss, grief, disappointment or any kind of negative emotion. Some people can cry for hours and hours on end and some can go to work the next day as if nothing ever happened. I used to be very judgemental of people who dealt with stuff happening in their lives in ways that weren't aligned with mine. And I reaped what I sowed. I had fights and misunderstandings with my friends and family when I coped with loss in my own way. Since I hadn't given them the space to be free, they too were unable to let me be when I wanted them to. I learned the hard way and I still am in the process of opening my heart and mind out to differences.
That being said, the easiest thing to do is to judge someone's reaction to grief over a loss. I've seen it happening aplenty, I have unfortunately been a part of the judging side for some time and I'm learning how to unlearn that side of mine. Don't be scared to express how things come to you. It may be a world of difference from your peers and you may get called lots of names for it, get labels added to you but the best thing that loss has taught me is that those who have to stick with you, they will do so no matter what the times are like. And if you've lost a few people in tough times, know that they were there for a certain period of your life and were probably best suited for that itself. Maybe if the future looks good for you both, they might come back but if they don't, it's not their fault and it certainly isn't yours.
Express your loss how you wish to, but keep good people around you who genuinely care for you and can pull you back out of the mess that you may end up in.
- Shreeparna
Comments
Post a Comment